Do you know what day it is?
by Your Destructive Fever
Summary: SBRL oneshot A pointless, inane Valentine's Day.


**Disclaimer, _durrrr_. I'm not JKR. I'm working on it though, with a little help from my friendly neighbourhood surgeon.**

"Remus?" purred Sirius as he wriggled onto the couch and propped his head onto the shoulder of one Remus Lupin's shoulder, "Reyheyheymusssss?"

It was late and the common room was empty except for the two boys. On Remus's lap, predictably enough lay a book and in his hand – the one further from Sirius he held his wand, (No. Not _that_ wand. Sorry to disappoint!), he was using it to provide reading light in the otherwise dimly lit room.

"Yes, Sirius?" said Remus, tilting his head slight so that his eyes locked with the wide, eager eyes of Sirius.

"Do you know what day it is?"

"Tuesday?" offered Remus with quirked eyebrows and a quick, wry smile.

"No," pouted Sirius.

"Wednesday?"

"Remus!" groaned Sirius, "don't tease me! Just go with what I'm trying to do here. Now...do you know what time it is?"

"I'm almost entirely sure it's Wednesday," said Remus, pretending to be completely engrossed in his book.

"Yes but _what _Wednesday?" stressed Sirius.

"Fourteenth, I think."

"Fourteenth of _what_?"

"It's February, isn't it?" said Remus, innocently.

"Right," murmured Sirius, "so that makes today..."

"Wednesday the fourteenth of February."

"Which is?" said Sirius, in a tight voice.

"Quiditch...practice...day?" said Remus, hesitantly.

"Okay, I'll give you a hint. It starts with 'V'..."

"...Veela Day...?"

See, now I know you're just taunting me."

"Vicarious vegetable voodoo?"

"Remus!" sighed Sirius, "you're supposed to play along."

"Play along with what?" said Remus, feigning surprise.

"Moony, I'm a nice, moral man. Stop toying with me!" pleaded Sirius.

"You?! Nice?! Moral?! A man?!"

"Look, Remus – I _am_ a nice, moral man. That's why I gently encourage Snivels to wash his hair, for the good of the Hogwarts community. I just care too much, that's my problem!"

"Padfoot!" whined Remus, "it's Valentine's Day! Stop talking about Snape's hair. Honestly, it's like your entirely unaware that you're supposed to be sweeping me off my feet right now."

"Ha!" exclaimed Sirius, with unrestrained glee, "I knew you knew it was Valentines!"

"Sirius, you'd have to be blind, deaf and severely disorientated not to notice it's Valentine's Day around here, especially with you about, you and your ridiculous antics."

"Was it ridiculous when I proclaimed my love for you?"

"Yes, very. The great hall has never suffered such an awkward silence before, and I doubt the house elves appreciated you stuffing them with roses just for decoration."

"Well, love is deaf, Moony."

"No, it's blind, you dolt."

"Omelettes and eggs, old chum, omelettes and eggs."

"Your dietary preferences aside, Sirius, even you have to admit you went a bit too far this year."

"If loving you is a crime, lock me up for all eternity."

"Gladly," said Remus sternly, "you went a little overboard, just accept the truth."

"Did not," whimpered Sirius.

"The chocolate frogs serenading me at breakfast?"

"Just a little something to start the day off nicely for you."

"The teddy shaped dog with a remarkable likeness to Padfoot?"

"I just want part of me to always be with you."

"The mistletoe?"

"A nice touch, I though."

"It's not Christmas!"

"I know, that's why I had it sing 'three blind newts' all romantic like, to avoid any unwarranted confusion."

"Actually, it was more then a little overboard."

"You didn't like it?"

"I just thought it was a bit much."

"..."

"...Sirius?"

"..."

"Sirius! I can practically hear you giving me puppy dog eyes, stop sulking!"

"I didn't see you give me any amazing, life-changing presents."

"Hey! There was nothing wrong with my gift."

"A book," Sirius snorted.

"It came from the heart," continued Remus.

"Yeah," interrupted Sirius, "but it didn't exactly scream, 'Hey, Sirius! Baby, I can't believe you're not cold, 'cause I fancy the pants off you."

"Oh," said Remus, ruminated, "Hey, Sirius?"

"What?"

"Baby, I can't believe you're not cold, because I fancy the pants off of you."

"Oh Moony," said Sirius, as he dramatically swooned, "you're such a romantic."

"What can I say, you inspire me," grinned Remus.

"So..."

"So."

"I think we're supposed to snog now."

"Right," muttered Remus.

"So..."

"So.

"Are we going to...well..."

"Kiss each other within an inch of our lives?"

"Yes, that."

"I do believe we are."

"Goody! I do so love it when we do that."

"Me too."

"But what about oxygen?..."

"I believe we can sacrifice it for the greater good."

"And what greater good would that be?" enquired Sirius.

"Our unquenchable, hormonal teenage lust and desire," answered Remus, factually.

"So..."

"So."

"So..." said Sirius, gently as he raised his head to be level with Remus's and tenderly with much affection and unnecessary trepidation, he connected his mouth with the mouth of the other boy.

'Three Blind Newts' – all romantic like.

_Three blind newts. Three blind newts._

_See how they swoon. See how they swoon._

_They all ran after the lycanthrope,_

_Who bit off their heads with one quick 'swope'._

_Where you ever turned on by such a thing in your life,_

_As three blind newts?_


End file.
